Sorting Through My Feelings

Lately things have been hard on me the past month or so, not seeing the man i love, well it is our 5 month anniversary today, he doesn't do those things, but i do, so it hurts, i haven't seen him in over a month, I've made a promise to a lot of close friends that i wouldn't cut anymore, but i have broken that promise and i apologize for that, I've been going Through way too much for a teen, a mom, a woman, I'm constantly alone, feeling like nobody cares, i know some people do but nobody is ever around, and part of it is my fault, i build walls instead of Bridges, i don't try to, it just happens. i keep all my pain and heartbreak inside, don't talk to anybody, its scary, everyday i think to myself "Hannah you're nobody you're nothing you are just a fat ugly slut, you're a whore, u might as well go kill yourself nobody would care or even plan a funeral for you. you are a dumb high school drop out" that goes through my mind daily. my son deserves someone better as a mother, that's why I'm glad in the end of August my sister Heather and my Brother-in- law Mike will be taking him. so i can just ruin my life some more and Sam won't be hurt by me, i know that he knows I'm not happy, i try to put on a smile and not cry when I'm around him, its so hard cause I'm around him all the time. I wish i could be funnier prettier, more spontaneous. && That's not even half of what I'm feeling right now i don't even know how to put the rest in to words...